The Lights Go Down But Not Out
by Firebrand-Vixen
Summary: Did Jean really die? Did Logan really love her? What happens when an old friend shows up with all the answers?
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: The X-Men don't belong to me nor do the songs or movies or things of the like.   
  
~ Part One ~  
  
Logan stood in the war room arguing with Xavier about a new recruit. He really didn't want to go take care of this problem. It wasn't his to take care of. "I don't think I'm the one to do this!"  
  
"Who is there better than you to do this, Logan? Besides there isn't anyone else; Scott's too far into his own pain and Storm is with her sister."  
  
Logan nodded with understanding. "All right, Charles, but you can't say that I didn't warn you."  
  
"I'll keep that in mind, old friend."  
  
~~~  
  
Standing in an open field near the place she lived, Michelle stared into the face of the mutant that had been arrested for the attack on the Statue of Liberty. "What do you want from me?"  
  
The man shook his head. "I want nothing from you; it's your gifts that I desire. Are you going to cooperate with me or do I have to sedate you?"  
  
The ground shook and a plane hovered not far from them. Over the soft sound of the jet's engine, they could hear, "I wouldn't try it, Magneto!"  
  
"How nice it is to see you again, Wolverine. Shall we dance this time?"  
  
The man stood just inside of the plane. He watched the mutant as long knives came from between his fingers. "Don't flatter yourself. Get on the plane, Kid."  
  
She stared at him. "Are you the one from the institute?"  
  
"That's right. Get on. There's a limit to what I can do."  
  
The beautiful blonde jumped the few feet to the steps of the plane and climbed them slowly. "What about him?"  
  
"He won't mess with the plane as long as you're on it. Buckle up!"  
  
After they were several miles away, Logan looked over at the woman he'd just picked up for the professor. He hadn't said she was a grown woman, only that she needed the help and teaching of the X-Men. He'd assumed that she was a teenager as all of them had been. "The name's Logan."  
  
"Mickey . . . Michelle. Everyone just calls me Mickey."  
  
"Gotcha. Did Magneto tell you why he was after you?"  
  
"My gifts."  
  
"Which are?"  
  
She studied him. "Are you always so talkative?"  
  
"Nope. But I have to wonder why Xavier sent me against Magneto knowing I could lose."  
  
"I have the power to heal; to literally take someone's pain or illness and make it my own. My body usually heals from it in a matter of days. It hasn't left this time."  
  
"Elaborate."  
  
She scoffed. "I cough it up like flower petals that melt away leaving a beautiful scent. It leaves me, but it won't this time. I've taken death from people, and the simple disease of diabetes won't leave me. My pancreas is failing. Is that clear enough?"  
  
Logan glanced at her. "Yes."  
  
~~~  
  
Upon their return to the mansion, Logan left Mickey with a former student of Xavier's who was running the infirmary now that Jean was gone. He needed to talk with Xavier and he needed to do it now. "All right, Chuck, let's hear it."  
  
"So you're back. Is she all right?"  
  
"Fine. Why me? You could have sent Cyclops or Storm against Magneto."  
  
"Storm is with her sister and Cyclops is - she grew up with Scott. Eventually I will let him know she's here, but for the time it's to remain a secret."  
  
Logan stared at the old man in the wheel chair. "You're keeping her locked away until you feel comfortable with her?"  
  
"I'm afraid this is the only choice we have, Logan. She needs to remain a secret. People could do to her as they did Storm. Worshipping her would do too much damage to her mind, it's too fragile at this point in her life."  
  
"Why are you so afraid of people worshipping her?"   
  
Charles Xavier released a deep breath. "Logan, this world has been around for a long time. Recently I've felt a need to read the Bible. Don't give me that look either. I may still follow through with my threat, if you refuse to take those smelly cigars outside."  
  
Logan arched a brow. He'd forgotten that he had a cigar in his mouth. He looked around the room and seeing no place to put it out used his palm. His look was only slightly altered as the hotbox burned through his skin. The smell was worse than the pain, but both quickly faded.  
  
Xavier's look was less than thrilled as he watched the wild man. "The Bible talks about a second coming of Christ. I believe some might think she's Christ reincarnated."  
  
Logan stared at him incredulously. "You're kidding right, Chuck? Christ reincarnated? A woman as Christ reincarnated?"  
  
"I never said that I believed that she was. I do however fear that some people might think so. Never before has a mutant been able to heal another. I want to protect her from that possibility."  
  
"There's something you ain't telling me, Chuck; what is it? What does she mean to you?"  
  
Xavier looked at Logan studying the man unsure of what he could tell him. "Her father and I served in the military together many years ago. She doesn't know that I knew him, only that I'm here for her now."  
  
"Ah. Now it makes sense, you promised her father you'd take care of his family if anything happened to him. I'll keep my eyes peeled, Chuck."  
  
"Thank you, Logan." Xavier watched then as Logan left the room. There was so much he wanted to tell his team, but he had to be very careful. He missed the girl he'd grown to love as a daughter, and maybe his thoughts were too quickly answered, when he wanted to start over. He could never replace Jean, but at least for now having Mickey around it would be as though he did have a family again.  
  
~~~  
  
Mickey lay in her hospital bed while a Dr. Henry McCoy ran some tests on her. "What is it, Doctor?"  
  
"I only see an amazingly healthy body with no explanations of why your pancreas has almost stopped working. This is incredible. I've only seen organs this healthy on Logan."  
  
She sat up slightly. "You're not telling me much that I don't already know. What I do need to know is what you can do to make it start working again."  
  
Hank turned to look at her. He studied the blond. "I can replace your pancreas with a false one. It's still a new procedure, and has never been tried on a mutant. I don't know if it will work. If it doesn't, you have nothing there and it'll only speed up your death."  
  
"What else?"  
  
"I'd like to try dialysis."  
  
"No."  
  
Hank stared at her. "No?"  
  
"I refuse to spend the rest of my life throwing up every day. I also refuse chemo. What else have you got up your sleeve, Doc?"  
  
"Nothing."  
  
"Then I can get out of here?"  
  
"Yes. Do you know how to give yourself insulin shots? Do you understand all of that?"  
  
Mickey sat straight up. "Yes. I understand all of that fun stuff. Thank you though. I appreciate what you've tried to do for me."  
  
"It's what I'm here for. It's why I went to medical school."  
  
"How are you feeling, Mickey?"  
  
She looked up to see Xavier in the door way. "Just peachy keen, Charles."  
  
Charles studied her carefully as though she carried a well kept secret only he could uncover. "You won't even consider some form of chemotherapy to help your health?"  
  
"I'm sorry but I won't. What's the point? Ask Dr. McCoy, my pancreas has all but stopped and for no reason. Every other organ in my body is very healthy."  
  
"At least let us see what we can find. There may be a treatment we haven't heard of."  
  
Her look softened. "All right."   
  
"You must stay well rested. We'll set things up for you here. You should be comfortable."  
  
"I'm sure I will be."  
  
~~~  
  
Logan lay in his bed listening to the sounds of the mansion. There were people crying in different rooms. He recognized one to be Scott's, and one to be Rogue's he couldn't place the others. He'd cried himself when he knew that Jean was gone. It seemed so strange, but even more as he now lay there unable to get this woman off his mind. His feelings for Jean seemed forgotten as though they had never meant anything. He had struggled for so long on letting go, on fighting to keep her. It was so hard to choose. When she made the choice he thought he'd heard his heart shatter.  
  
What had this place done to him? And why did he have to listen to Scott cry every night? He'd loved Jean. He wanted her. Why did she have to die? He could live knowing that she was with another man as long as she was alive and happy. There had to have been another way to get out of there.  
  
~~~  
  
Scott lay in the bed he shared with Jean curled into a fetal position, hugging the teddy bear he'd won her on their first date. Tears rolled down his face. He couldn't spend the rest of his life without her. Not without the one woman he had loved. Jean had been so much more than his fiancée`. He'd loved her as long as he'd been alive. She had been the only woman he loved, the only woman he'd gotten close enough to.  
  
"Why did you do it, Jean? Why did you have to die?"  
  
The tears came harder as he lay there. Her scent still lingered on her pillow, and her memory haunted the room. There were memories and trinkets of her everywhere his eyes fell, as he looked around the room through blurred vision. Dragging himself out of bed in the morning was now a task he fought to do. There wasn't a reason to get up, nothing to look forward to. The mansion and the students had always been a reason, but none of it mattered now. Jean was gone and he had no future.   
  
There was one comforting thought in everything that had happened. Jean had chosen him over Logan. She had made the choice that Logan wasn't going to get anywhere. Comforting it was in the smallest sense. She'd chosen him, but she was gone, she had died for them. "I would have died for you, Jean," he sobbed. "Even if it meant you spending the rest of your life in Logan's arms; I would die for you; for you to be here again."  
  
There came a knock on the door. "Cyclops."  
  
"Go away, Logan."  
  
The door opened. The palest light from the nightlight in the hall filtered in. "I'm going. I just thought you might want this." He set a glass on the dresser near the door and walked out shutting the door behind him.  
  
Scott groaned and stood as his tears refused to stop. The glass he picked up smelled of alcohol. He lifted it to his lips and took a swallow. The strong liquid burned as it went down, not even numbing the pain in the slightest. He finished it off and returned to his bed. He had to sleep tonight. He simply had to; maybe tomorrow he'd feel better. Maybe then he'd be able to get up and go. He had to go see her parents; he couldn't bring himself to go to them yet. 


	2. The Light Shines

Disclaimer: The X-Men don't belong to me nor do the songs or movies or things of the like.   
~Part Two~  
  
The icy cold snow crackled beneath her feet as she walked. This dark suit she wore was warm, but this heat from within her kept her warm. Alkali Lake. That name sounded so familiar, but to place it was beyond her capability. She remembered only piece of her past, and none of it made sense. There was a plane and a flood, but nothing more. Blackness enveloped her mind.  
  
"Why can't I remember who I am and why I'm here? What is this pain that plagues me? Why do I feel so alone?" She walked silently though these thoughts haunted her every waking moment. Leaving this place seemed to be a task she couldn't complete. There was something keeping her here, and wandering aimlessly through these woods was helping her to remember nothing. At night for the few hours she slept her dreams were plagued with memories she could never remember enough to analyze.  
  
"Who am I? Where am I from? What am I doing here? . . . Why can't I remember?!"   
  
There were so many trees to walk through; so many things that carried memories, but nothing told her what she needed to know. What was it that was keeping her here? Why couldn't she leave? Where would she go if she could leave? There was nowhere to go, nobody to turn to. This is where I have to stay. . . .   
  
As she stood there she could see a couple coming out of a cabin. Holding hands and . . . There was a man in her past - two men! A tall man dressed very nicely. They were in a cabin similar to this one. It was their first vacation together. Alone they sat in the isolated cabin in front of a blazing fire. He spoke and she could almost hear his voice as this memory played itself out in her mind.  
  
"Scott! His name's Scott Summers." Tears blurred her vision as she had her first real memory of someone in her life. She loved him, but where was he? Where did she belong? And where was the ring he'd given her? And who was this dark figure that was so alluring in her dreams? Why couldn't she remember him as she had Scott?  
  
~~~  
  
Storm and Dr. McCoy were the majority of Mickey's company. She'd been locked in the infirmary for several days. She hadn't been allowed to leave or even explore the lower levels of the mansion. "Here you are, Michelle. The music you asked for."  
  
She looked up from the book she'd been reading. "Thank you, Ororo. It was very kind of you to run and get it. I really appreciate it."   
  
"It's no trouble. I enjoy being around you. You're so calming."  
  
Mickey smiled as she searched the CD's. "That's very kind of you to say. Thank you." In her heart Mickey knew that she wasn't calming at all. She was taking the pain and stress that Storm buried in an effort to maintain control of her powers that was all the calming she was doing. It was odd how quickly and effortlessly it happened with this African Amazon.   
{She's Daddy's little girl only three years old. All dressed up in her Sunday clothes. He held her hand on bended knee he said. "I need to show you how to find your way home." As they walked along, how sweet the sound of church bells ringing people gather 'round. "Remember this church and the cross way up there, sweetheart. If you ever get lost.}  
  
"What does this song mean to you? Why is it so important to you?"  
  
"It reminds me of my father."  
  
Storm was quiet as she listened. "Were you Daddy's little girl?"  
  
Mickey smiled bitter sweetly. "Very much so."  
  
{As the years went by Daddy's little girl had lost herself out in a great big world. And on the day her daddy died she said "I need to know why." Take me to the cross high upon a steeple. One where Jesus died for hurting people. If you can't find home, know you're not alone. Take me to the cross.}  
  
"It's a very beautiful song, Michelle. It's no great wonder why you love it."  
  
"I'm glad you're enjoying it. Most people wouldn't listen to this."  
  
"Because it's religious?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Are you?"  
  
Mickey looked her square in the eye. Crystal blue eyes stared back at her. "I believe God's out there somewhere, but to say that I'm religious is a joke."  
  
Storm's brow drew as she watched her.   
  
~  
  
"You all right there?"  
  
The gruff voice startled her, and Mickey looked up. It was only Logan. He'd come down to check on her a couple of times during the week. "Peachy keen, Jelly Bean."  
  
Logan moved closer and watched as she jabbed a syringe full of insulin into her abdomen then pushed down the plunger. "Doesn't that hurt?"  
  
Mickey looked at him and pulled the needle out. "Not as bad as a broken leg or a punctured lung, or even an asphalt burn to the face. The worst is having your stomach pumped for every trace of the valium you overdosed on because your boyfriend was only with you long enough to get a roll in the hay. To top that off, it was filmed and aired live on the internet. It even ran in syndication for a short time."  
  
Logan's eyes widened momentarily. "You take memories when you take the pain?"  
  
"Yes." Mickey recapped the needle and put it in the infirmary trash and refastened her jeans, not concerned about the masculine man that stood only feet from her. There were no doubts in her mind that she had nothing to fear from him, though he was VERY attractive. "What did you need, Logan?"  
  
"Just checking on you. How you doing?"  
  
She smiled at the handsome man. "Peachy keen, Jelly Bean, just as I already said. . . . Is Xavier ever going to let me out of here?"  
  
"He just wants to make sure that you're all right."  
  
"He's keeping me locked up because he wants to monitor my progress."  
  
He studied her. She was smarter than Xavier was giving her credit for. "That's only because he cares."  
  
Mickey leaned back against the counter. This was news to her! "He doesn't even know me; how can he care about me?"  
  
"It's just something the professor does."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"You never heard this from me."  
  
"All right."  
  
"It's the truth so listen carefully. Because of your father, Charles Xavier had the courage to follow his dream and build this place. An institute for 'gifted young people, to help them grow and become all they can be as mutants and normal people. Xavier isn't the kind of man to run away. He would never hurt someone he loves." With each word he drew closer to her. "Chuck loves you. He wouldn't have sent me if he didn't."  
  
She scoffed and looked at the ground. "And Magneto can destroy you fairly easily, you said so yourself. A real nice way to show he cares for me."  
  
Logan touched her arm. "Trust me, Darlin', he does care."  
  
She closed her eyes and fell into Logan's arms. "There's nobody to care about me. I don't have anyone."  
  
"Sh . . . That ain't true. You're here now and these people are all about caring about one another." Without a second thought Logan's arms rose to circle her. He held her close as she needed the strength he had an over abundance of. But the moment she started to go limp she pulled away from him.  
  
"I'm sorry, Logan."  
  
"For what? Everyone needs reassurance once in a while." He was quiet as he studied her. There was a change in the way she looked at him. Something was different about how she was behaving. "You've seen something."  
  
"What," she asked now with her back to him. She'd seen too much when Logan's bare skin touched hers. She had let her guard down too quickly.   
  
"Are you all right?"  
  
She couldn't help but hug herself and nod her head. "Peachy keen, Jelly Bean."  
  
He growled a familiar sound to those who knew him. "Lie to yourself if that's what you're going to do, but at least give me enough respect not to lie to me when I ask!"  
  
Mickey stood where she was as he walked out the door. She could feel his pain and it stung. Would she ever be able to get close enough to someone without taking their pain?  
  
"It ain't easy living this life and I ain't gonna lie to you about it. It hasn't ever gotten any easier for me," Rogue said from the doorway.  
  
Mickey turned slightly to look at her. "I never asked for it to get easier. With great power comes great responsibility. How'd you know what I was thinking?"  
  
"A wild guess. The way Logan walked out of here, Ah could tell he wasn't too happy, which means all of about one thing. A woman didn't give him what he wanted."  
  
"That's not very nice, Rogue."  
  
"It's the truth."  
  
"No, Marie it isn't. Logan's a very confused man. He's trying to find love and he ain't sure how to get it. He uses his looks and the affect all that testosterone has on a woman and uses it to his advantage to try to get love. He feels so incomplete."  
  
Rogue shifted. "You've seen all that?"  
  
"What did you need?"  
  
"The professor wants to see you in the war room."  
  
The moment the war room doors opened, Mickey's eyes fell on a matured but still familiar face. She smiled bitter sweetly. "Scott."   
  
It was a barely audible whisper and Charles closed his eyes. He'd wanted to keep them separated for as long as possible.   
  
"Hey! Nobody told me you were here," he said as he came to her. He wrapped his arms around her and hugged her tightly. Mickey's smile faded as tears filled her eyes. The two stood there embraced in a hug. A single tear slipped down his cheek from beneath his dark glasses, and he wiped it away before it was brought to anyone's attention. It did not however slip by Logan. He noted it and his brow wrinkled.   
  
After several minutes, Mickey pulled away and looked at him. "You're all grown up."  
  
"So are you. When did you get here?"  
  
"Almost a week ago. Professor Xavier has kept me locked away in the infirmary."  
  
"I wish I'd known," he said firmly. "If I had, I would have come down and seen you."  
  
She touched his face. "It's all right. God, I never realized how much I missed you. How's Alex?"  
  
Scott's expression grew grim. "I still haven't found him."  
  
"Keep looking, you will. I have faith."  
  
"You're the only one, Mick. It seems hopeless. How about you? What's been happening with your life?"  
  
"Not much. I've lost my job and have a medical condition and have been locked away for the last week. That's all there is to say. My life is dull and boring, just as it always was."  
  
Scott smiled again. "I always loved hearing about your life. It seemed so exciting. ; being able to help people like you do."  
  
Mickey's smile was one of less than joy. "It's got its hazards just as yours does I suppose."  
  
"I suppose."  
  
"Mickey, we need to talk about your gifts and what you're able to do here," Xavier said.   
  
Mickey's face steeled against any emotions and she sat down in an empty chair. Her look was soft as she met Xavier's gaze. "You already know. Let's be honest with each other here. What is this really about?"  
  
"And that you already know as well, Michelle."  
  
She gave a slight nod of her head. "I suppose I might. What do I have to learn here? How to ignore my gifts? How to ignore people's pain? I won't stop using my gifts to help people, just as I won't take experimental chemotherapy for pancreatic failure."  
  
"Don't you care enough to live," Scott asked.  
  
She looked at him. "Not to watch others suffer."  
  
"But you could help so many more people if you just survive this."  
  
"Survive it to what, Scott? What kind of a life do I have to look forward to? I don't know if I can help anyone else. I haven't been able to since I contracted this. . . . I take that back. There has been one, but that isn't an ailment, just a mental anguish."  
  
"How many kids have bombed their schools killing their class mates because of mental anguish," Storm asked. "Is that not what you're all about? Preventing things like that."  
  
Mickey looked at her. "There is still a limit to what I can do." She closed her eyes and tipped her head toward the ceiling.  
  
"There's one solution you seem to be forgetting." It was Logan's voice.   
  
"We haven't forgotten, Logan. It's simply not a good idea. If it doesn't work it's one more guilt for you to carry," Xavier said. "I won't have that."  
  
"But it's worth a try. If nothing else it may encourage her to try something else," Scott protested. The thought of losing even one more person that had been a staple in his life was too much to bear.  
  
"Don't count on it, Scott. I appreciate all that you're doing, but I don't want to cause anyone any more pain. This is my burden to bear. This is so hard because the girl I took it from was dead, which is why Magneto came after me."  
  
Scott sat forward. "Mickey, you took this disease from a dead woman? Is she alive?"  
  
Mickey looked up and saw that Logan was behind Scott and across the room, so only Xavier could see him. "Yes."  
  
"So, you've cheated death?"  
  
"This is why Xavier has kept me hidden. He doesn't want anyone else to know about this; to know what I'm capable of. I didn't mean to get you worked up."  
  
"Let's go ahead with our plans." Xavier turned back to Mickey. "Let Hank go ahead with some tests. We may be able to take care of some of these things. We may be able to cure your disease."   
  
Mickey looked at him, and nodded her head in agreement.  
  
~  
  
That very night Scott and Mickey sat together in the kitchen. "I'm sorry, Scott. It must have been very hard for you to sit back and watch."  
  
He scoffed as they were eating from a gallon container of rocky road ice cream. "Hard is not the word. I would have died with her if she hadn't stopped me."  
  
"Not that I'm not grateful or anything, but why did she?"  
  
"I don't know. Logan said she was gone that - . . . It hurts so much, Mick. I never knew I could hurt like this."  
  
She reached over and covered his hand with her own. "I wish I'd had the chance to meet her. She had to have been something very special to have won your heart, though you always were a bleeding heart."  
  
Scott looked at her. "Me? You're the one dying because you couldn't let someone else die."  
  
"Death really is something all together different from someone suffering. Through pain we become stronger. Through trials here on earth our reward is greater in Heaven. If someone's not right with God their eternity won't be pleasant." Her gaze drifted to the silver refrigerator. "Just as mine won't be."  
  
"How can you say that? After all you've done how can you not go to Heaven and get a great reward?"  
  
Mickey looked at him drawn from her thoughts.  
  
"Don't tell me you're going to eat that all by yourselves," Logan said standing in the doorway.  
  
Mickey looked up as did Cyclops. He grabbed a spoon and lifted it toward Logan. "Join in. We're commiserating, as we talk about Jean."  
  
Logan took the spoon and dug in, while watching Mickey. As he lifted a spoonful of the ice cream to his lips he asked, "What do you have to be depressed about?"  
  
"Haven't a clue, Fuzzy. . . . How's Xavier dealing with the loss?"  
  
"I don't know," Scott said. "He isn't talking."  
  
"Fuzzy," Logan demanded.  
  
Mickey studied Scott. "I never would have thought you'd grow up to look like this."  
  
Scott smiled as he could see Logan's raised eyebrow as he sat there being ignored. "Or you to look like that."  
  
Logan grabbed Mickey's arm to get her attention. She jerked her arm away and looked at him. "Take a look in the mirror. You are fuzzy."  
  
Scott stood and kissed Mickey's brow. "Night. I'm glad you're here, Mick. It's always good to have a friend close."  
  
"Yeah. Sleep well, Scott."  
  
"You too. Don't keep her up too late, Logan."   
  
"As if he could."  
  
Scott's smile was slight as he walked out of the kitchen.  
  
Logan came around and sat beside her at the island counter. "You have to be depressed about something."  
  
"Why? Commiserating with a friend helps their pain, that's reason enough to do it."  
  
"Maybe for you. Besides, this nose doesn't lie and I can smell it all over you."  
  
Mickey looked at him. She no longer had a taste for the ice cream that set in front of her. "You thought I'd seen something earlier when I fell apart. What did you mean exactly?"  
  
He quickly looked away. "You wouldn't understand?"  
  
"Your longing for Jean or your past? Which is it, and what makes you so sure that I wouldn't?"  
  
"Simply because you wouldn't."  
  
"No wonder you can't get close to anyone, Logan. You refuse to open up to anyone."  
  
"What are you guys doing," Rogue asked as she and Bobby appeared in the door way. They'd been up late watching a movie in the living room.  
  
"Leaving, the room's getting a little too full."  
  
Logan grabbed her arm. "You're a fine one to talk."  
  
Mickey turned and looked him in the eye. Her gaze searching his with curiosity. "Everyone I love, I lose. What's the point in getting attached to anyone?"  
  
"That's a good question, Darlin'."  
  
"Maybe your problem is you're falling for the wrong ones. Now can I have my hand back?" His thumb ran across her knuckles, and her mind filled with his thoughts. She arched a brow. "I need a favor."  
  
He arched a brow. "Oh?"  
  
"Take me to Alkali Lake."  
  
He dropped his hand. "Why?"  
  
"Because I need to go. It's that simple."  
  
"No."  
  
"Please."  
  
"No."  
  
"I'll take you," Rogue said. "Why do you want to go anyway?"  
  
Mickey looked at Rogue ignoring Logan's protest. "I need to find something. I'm afraid that only Logan can help me though." 


	3. Enter The Phoenix

Disclaimer: The X-Men don't belong to me nor do the songs or movies or things of the like.   
  
~PART THREE~  
  
As Logan landed the mini jet, he glanced over at Mickey. "You wanna tell me exactly why we're here?"  
  
She released a breath. "To find Jean Grey."  
  
"What?! What's there to find? The way that water was moving she could be anywhere, that is if the wolves haven't gotten to her first." Her look was unmoving and sheer determination was written in her eyes. He sighed. "Mickey, this isn't smart."  
  
Mickey looked at him as they walked off the plane he'd landed in the woods. "Logan, I grew up with Scott, he's lost everything but Xavier and the school. He's the only thing that I love that I still have something of, I can't stand to see him hurt like this. Jean was his life."  
  
Logan stiffened. Something inside of him was understanding her more than he wanted to admit. "I know."  
  
She glanced at him as they began to walk. "You loved her too, didn't you?"  
  
"I didn't say that."  
  
"I didn't say you did," Mickey said softly. "It's written all over your face when someone talks about her. You hurt just as Scott does."  
  
"I wouldn't go that far. There's a difference in how we feel. Scott's-"  
  
"What? He's more controlled? He loves more? What is it that makes him so different from you? He's a man and he feels things just like you do."  
  
Logan's gaze didn't quite meet hers as they searched the surrounding area for any sign of Jean Grey's remains. Several moments of silence passed as they two walked bundled up in winter clothes. "All right, say we find Jean, what happens then?"  
  
Mickey glanced at him. She hadn't wanted to think about it. It had been several years since she'd laid eyes on Scott Summers, and now that she was near him again she wanted nothing more than to make him happy, to live out childhood fantasies. Scott Summers kissed her once many years ago. He'd been in the orphanage, but she'd found him and he'd asked her to a school dance, because no one else would go with him. She'd fallen in love with him then and there.   
She closed her eyes swallowing hard at the memory. Memories of a once hopeful future were too much. Scott Summers was in love with Jean Grey and if there was anything she could do to bring them back together, then heart be dammed she'd do it!   
  
"Mickey."  
  
"I'll do whatever I can."  
  
"What if you can't cough it up?"  
  
"Then my life for hers. If she makes Scott happy, then so be it."  
  
Logan grabbed her arm and turned her to face him. He stared into her brown eyes. "You're in love with him?"  
  
No words left her lips as her eyes searched him. She wouldn't deny nor confirm his suspicions. It wasn't his concern who held her heart. She had no plans of telling anyone, least of all the man who owned it.   
  
"How can you do this if you love him?"  
  
"Because she's making him happy, and I never could. How could I destroy their happiness to try to win the second rate love of a man?"  
  
He let go of her. "And what about what you want?"  
  
"I want his happiness."  
  
"Even at the cost of your own heart?"  
  
Mickey reached up touching his face, as though she could make him understand her words. "To see the man I love happy, will bring me more joy than if I had him and knew that he wasn't happy because his heart belonged to a dead woman. Can you understand that?"  
  
Logan's gaze turned as her words began to penetrate the recesses of his mind.  
  
~  
  
Far above them on a cliff stood none other than Jean Grey. She could see, but not hear what was said. Memories came flooding back to her as she watched Logan. She could remember the first time she'd met him and the passionate kiss they'd shared. She remembered seeing Mystique sneaking into his tent that same night. Now Logan stood intimately close to a beautiful woman. A rage like none she'd ever felt raged in her. She couldn't believe she'd ever considered giving her heart to a man like that.   
Logan was here with another woman. Rage flooded her, and an intense heat enveloped her. Slowly she rose into the air effortlessly. One thought flooded her entire being, murder! What right did this woman have to steal her man? All thoughts of Scott Summers were gone from her memory. Logan was hers!   
  
Logan stopped and sniffed the air. "Jean?"  
  
"Where," Mickey demanded, looking around.  
  
"Here."   
  
The voice was strange to Logan's ears. It wasn't the sweet sound he'd loved to hear any longer. There was an evil ring to it. He turned in the direction, stunned. Surrounding Jean was a fire resembling the shape of a bird. "Jean?"  
  
Slowly she set down, pushing the two toward the cliff. "Who's this?"  
  
Logan stared and sniffed the air again. He was struggling with believing his senses. This smelled like Jean, but it didn't seem right. "Mickey. We came here looking for you. Scott-"  
  
Jean moved closer backing them up. "She's not happy with just one of you? She needs both of you?"  
  
"That's not it," Mickey said. "I'm not after either of them, Jean. Scott's torn apart inside, everyone's thought you were dead."  
  
"Jean Grey is dead. Call me . . . Phoenix!"  
  
Logan and Mickey exchanged glances. "Come on, Jean. This ain't no time for games. We need to get you back to the school. Xavier and Scott will be thrilled."  
  
Phoenix looked at him. "And what about you, Logan? Are you 'thrilled' that this body's alive? You've already found someone else, do you not want me anymore?"  
  
Logan stared at her, as she drew closer to him. "Of course I still want you, but you made your choice. You wanted Cyclops. We came to an understanding, remember?"  
  
"No."  
  
"What are you? You ain't Jean. She don't act like this."  
  
Fury blazed in her eyes as they turned red. "What's wrong with it? I thought you liked aggressive women!"  
  
Logan watched as her gaze drifted from him to Mickey and back again. The looked he saw was murderous. She moved too quickly, and Mickey was dangling just feet off the cliff. "Jean!"  
  
"Logan," Mickey screamed as she fell the ten feet into the icy water.   
  
The phoenix laughed as Logan struggled for seconds. He wanted to save Jean but he wanted to help Mickey. Whatever had Jean wouldn't let her go without a fight and he had only a moment to make his choice. He ran to the cliff and dove over the side. The hundred extra pounds of his skeleton made the fall quick and his ability to float harder to maintain. All thoughts were of the woman floating down stream. He managed to reach her hand and pull her in close. "Hang on!"  
They reached the shore in a few minutes as Logan carried both their weight. He hauled himself out of the water and her. "Are you all right?"  
  
"Thanks to you. We can't get to the jet."  
  
"We'll have to wait 'til morning."  
  
Mickey shivered fiercely. "Great."  
  
"This is not over!"  
  
They could both see this Phoenix in the air watching them. Logan looked at Mickey. "Come on. I think there was a cabin around here somewhere. We can hold up there tonight and maybe get to the plane tomorrow."  
  
"Okay."   
  
Logan's arm went around her shoulders. "It's a walk, but we'll make it."  
  
"Thanks for the pep talk," she shivered.  
  
~  
  
They found the cabin, and thank God it was empty. Logan got them in and began to collect things for a fire. "Get out of those wet clothes," he snapped.  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
He handed her a blanket. "You have to get warmed up, before hypothermia sets in."  
  
"All right." After stripping down to her undergarments, Mickey watched silently as Logan built a fire.  
  
He glanced at her over his shoulder. "Come over here and sit down."  
  
She moved slowly and sat down next to the fire. "What about you?"  
  
"I heal fast," he said, and stood.  
  
Mickey watched as he walked from the room. He returned several moments later with towels and more blankets. "What's that?"   
  
"I found some things we'll need. I hope this works for you." He handed her the shirt that matched the pajama bottoms he was wearing.   
  
She shrugged and the blanket fell from her shoulders as she took the shirt. She pulled it on and pulled the blanket tight around her. "It's still so cold."  
  
"Here." Grabbing a towel he stood behind her and dried her hair. "That ought to help."  
  
"Thanks, Logan."  
  
"Yeah." He pulled the mattress off the bed and next to the fireplace. "Lay down."  
  
Mickey dropped the damp blanket and laid down on the mattress. Logan lay several blankets over her. "So that was Jean earlier?"  
  
"Supposed to be. Something's over taken her." Logan lifted the layers of blankets and slid onto the bed next to her. His arms went around her waist and she stiffened. "I ain't getting fresh, we need to get your body temperature back up."  
  
"I know. I worked as a nurse until I lost my job. . . . Logan, we can't leave until we've got her back."  
  
Logan closed his eyes. He wanted nothing more than to get Jean back. He could take her home to the mansion and . . . back to Scott. He groaned and fought back the feelings threatening to overtake him. The shivering of the woman beside him caused him to shake off his thoughts and hold her closer. "You're all right, Mickey."  
  
"Thanks to you. You saved my life, Logan. Thank you."  
  
"Don't thank me yet, I haven't gotten you home safely yet."  
  
She turned her head slightly to look at him. "But you have brought me this far."  
  
"Yeah. Try to get some sleep."  
  
~~~  
  
"Where'd they go, Professor?"  
  
"I don't know, Scott. It's almost as if they're beyond my reach or something. I don't understand it."  
  
Rogue and Bobby exchanged glances as they stood just outside of Xavier's office. They both knew where Logan and Mickey had disappeared to, but they'd promised not to tell. "How long do we wait?"  
  
"Three days, like we promised," Bobby said.  
  
"What if they get into trouble and need our help," she protested.  
  
"Then they'll have to wait. We promised and Logan can take care of himself and everyone else, just as he's proven," Bobby said. He took her glove covered hand and pulled her away from the professor's office.  
  
Xavier studied Scott. Why did everyone that Scott cared about end up dead or missing? Why was it always the ones that he grew close to? Was Scott Summers some kind of a jinx? Did he cause all of this to happen to people? What was happening here at this place in this world that caused these people to die?  
  
"Professor, where do we start looking?"  
  
"I don't know, Scott. I can only hope that they will both return when they're ready. I don't understand what possessed them to run off together in the first place."  
  
"There has to be something we can do. I can't lose anyone else. I can't take it. We have to be able to find them!"  
  
"I do understand, Scott, but unfortunately I haven't been able to locate them with Cerebro. It's not fully repaired yet, and too much use may damage it further."  
  
Scott lifted a fist to grim lips as he leaned against a wall staring out one of the windows. This was one more heart ache and one more reason not to get up every morning. First he'd lost his parents and his brother. Every friend he'd made had turned their backs on him when they learned of his mutation. Every one, but Mickey, and he'd lost touch with her years ago. He'd found the school and Jean. Jean was gone and now that he'd been reunited with a childhood friend she was snatched away from him too. It wasn't fair!  
  
Life hadn't been fair to him, Xavier knew, but right now he struggled with his own feelings of loss. There was Jean, who had been like a daughter to him. Though he could never replace her, Mickey was a supplement as he'd promised her father that he'd look at her, but she was also taken from him. Nothing stayed consistent in his life either.  
  
~~~  
  
Phoenix buried herself inside of Jean as the woman slept. Jean woke in the light of day, to find herself laying in the snow. She jumped to her feet unable to remember how she'd gotten to where she was at. She glanced around only seeing a small fire and nothing else. There were no blankets or pillows. She could finally remember who the dark alluring man in her dreams was, Logan. She stretched and began to walk in search of anything that may help her to remember more, or to get home.  
  
~  
  
Logan woke the instant it was over. His eyes flashed open and he stared at the walls surrounding him. Where was he? It came back just as quick and he glanced over at the woman laying beside him. She was still asleep and still in his arms. The slightest smile curved the corners of her mouth. His racing heart thundered in his ears. His breathing was heavy as he lay there remembering the dream he'd just woken from. It replayed itself in his mind in slow motion, every kiss and every touch.  
"That was way too intense to be a dream," he whispered. They were still in the clothes they'd fallen asleep in. He stared at Mickey who lay still, her hand on his chest. He lifted his hand and traced the line of her cheekbone. His breathing began to slow but this dream wouldn't let go. It was at that moment that he realized that there was a sickening sweet smell coming off her body. "Oh, God! Hang on, I'll try to get us out of here!"  
  
Logan left the bed and changed into his damp clothes from the day before, and left the cabin, locking the door behind him. He had to get to that plane and he had to get her back to the mansion. Running through the woods his heart racing, he searched for anyway across the water without going into it. After searching several miles along the shore, he found an old bridge. He wasted no time in crossing it and looking for the mini jet. When he found the mini jet he cursed. The Phoenix had demolished it. He searched the remains for the emergency kit that Mickey had placed in the first aid box. There it was. He checked it's contents and headed back. He had to do something, or she would die.  
  
Mickey's eyes were open when he walked into the cabin. She was curled up in a fetal position on the bed trying to stay warm. "Where'd you go?"  
  
He laid the box on the bed. "To the mini jet. It's been demolished."  
  
"What do we do now?"  
  
"Wait it out, I guess. Rogue and Bobby know we're here and the professor is having Cerebro repaired. I don't know what to do here," he said as he pulled the insulin kit out of the first aid box.   
  
"You can smell it, huh?"  
  
He looked at her. "Yeah."  
  
Mickey instructed Logan on how to prepare her syringe of insulin and how much to use. She moved the blankets and lifted the shirt. She tore open an alcohol pad, lowered the waist band of her underwear and swabbed an area. Logan carefully gave her the shot of insulin and watched her reaction. He swabbed the area when he was done. She watched him. "Did you see her at all while you were out there?"  
  
"No."  
  
"We have to find her and get her back."  
  
"You have to rest."  
  
She studied him, unable to understand how his mind worked. "Do you always dream like that?"  
  
His eyes widened, as the dream flashed through his mind. "That was my dream?"  
  
"I'm not a telepath, Logan. I only heal peoples minds and bodies. You're very open to me and I took something from you, that's never happened before." He nodded slowly. He couldn't quite understand why but he was embarrassed. "I don't want to get too personal here, but was it a memory? That would explain why I would take it, if there was pain attached to it, though I don't recall there being any."  
  
He stared at her. "No."  
  
Mickey cocked her head to the side. "Who were you with? I don't understand."  
  
"You."  
  
Mickey's eyes widened. "You don't make love to a stranger that way! You must have been thinking of someone you loved; someone you've lost."  
  
"I don't think so."  
  
Mickey looked away. "That doesn't make sense! I take memories and pain, not fantasies or thoughts."  
  
Logan was stunned at how stressed this made her. She was truly bothered by a dream they'd shared. "You've never done anything like that, have you?"  
  
"Like what," she asked staring into the fire.  
  
"That dream."  
  
She shrugged her shoulders. "I don't fully understand my gifts, only that I can help people. I'm sorry I stole your thoughts."  
  
"It don't matter. I'll see if I can't hunt up some food. Stay under those blankets."  
  
"Don't have much of a choice, do I?" 


	4. chapter four

Disclaimer: The X-Men don't belong to me nor do the songs or movies or things like that, that I've used. Thanks for the reviews. I really appreciate the support. Let me know what you think of this one, and what you'd like to see happen next. Thanks!  
~PART FOUR~  
  
Jean was too weak to move. She had to crawl across the snow covered ground in search of a place to stay warm. It had gotten so cold and she couldn't remember anything new. Scott haunted her every thought and she knew he was in pain but she didn't know how to get to him or how to help him. She wanted to go to him and make it all better for him.   
  
"Where are you, Scott? Why can't I find you?"  
  
The tears she shed in desperation, seemed to freeze against her cold skin and she cried harder. The only shelter she could see through her blurred vision was the plane. There was a plane setting not too far away. It looked like it had crashed or something it was so badly demolished. She crawled as quickly as she could manage to this shelter from the weather. As she reached the plane, the X on the side seemed so familiar.   
  
She found shelter under one of the broken wings. Leaning back against the plane, she pulled her knees to her chest and cried that much harder wanting to remember. She could see herself with Scott, lying in bed together, holding each other close. She knew they had been together and were waiting for sleep to consume them. Scott's voice was low and soft as he poured his heart out to her. So many of the things he'd said to her then now caused her tears to come that much harder.   
  
"It's not fair! Why do I have to be without you?"  
  
~  
  
Logan had fallen into the roll of caretaker fairly easily. It seemed very natural to him to be taking care of this woman. He couldn't understand why he felt this need to take care of her, to protect her. He'd wrestled them up something to eat, and watched her through the meal. His thoughts would turn to Jean and he'd remember that this woman was willing to sacrifice her life so Scott could be happy.   
"Explain to me how you can be so willing to die for someone you've never met, and someone you may not even like?"  
  
Mickey looked up at him from the map she'd found. She'd gotten up, gotten a shower and dressed. Releasing a breath she knew that this wasn't easy for him to understand. "Do you love Jean?"  
  
He'd never been asked that before. "Yeah."  
  
"Would you die for her?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Would you lie for her?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"If she asked you to kill for her, would you?" The hesitation was enough for Mickey to press forward. "If her father was dying and needed a heart transplant would you die to save him, for her?"  
  
"I don't understand what that has to do with anything?"  
  
The smile that crossed her face was one of patients and 'how do I put this in terms you'll understand'. "I was taught that no greater love does a man have than to lay down his life for another. I believe that it's still true, but I also believe that if you love someone, really truly love someone that there is no limit to what you would do for them."  
  
"But you said that to see him happy even with another woman would make you happy."  
  
"I said it would make me happier than if he was mine and his heart belonged to a dead woman. Logan, I wish I could make you understand."  
  
He shook his head. "It just doesn't make sense to me."  
  
She lowered her head, and then the thought came to her. "If Scott died, and Jean ran to you. Would you want to spend the rest of your life with her?"  
  
"Hell yes."  
  
"Even if her heart wasn't yours? If every time you made love to her, her eyes were closed she was imagining that it was Scott she was holding?"  
  
Logan stared at her. He hadn't ever considered that. He swallowed hard. "That would never happen."  
  
Mickey licked dry lips. "Yeah. And I suppose that if your dream were real, I'd be holding you?"  
  
A flash of anger crossed his face, as his pride was wounded. "That ain't never gonna happen neither!" He stood and walked toward the window to look out at the snow covered ground.  
  
"I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, Logan."  
  
"Who says they're hurt?"  
  
She closed her eyes silently chastising herself for the simile she'd used. "Be honest with yourself, wouldn't you rather die than hurt like that everyday while holding her in your arms."  
  
Logan glanced at her over his shoulder with one eyebrow raised. "Yeah."   
  
She turned then and met his gaze, his voice had been so soft. She stood and walked over to him. "I've felt the pain Scott feels right now. I couldn't live the rest of my life that way. Even a fraction of that would destroy me, he needs her."  
  
Logan reached up and wiped a tear off her cheek. "Now tell me that doesn't hurt you."  
  
"This is punishment; falling for a man who's heart was never mine to take."  
  
"What crime did we commit that our fate is to love someone we can't have?"  
  
She shook her head. "I don't know, Logan."  
  
"Could you ever love anyone else the way you love Scott?"  
  
Mickey's eyes widened as she was stunned at the question. "I don't know that either. I never tried to love anyone else. I always hoped that we'd be reunited."  
  
Logan swallowed hard, his emotions cutting loose like never before. "I've spent the last fifteen years of my life trying to find myself, to build a life. Everywhere I look I get kicked in the teeth. I . . . Jean's the first woman that hasn't cared about my mutation. Everyone turns on you when they know. You're okay as long as you're 'normal'. Every woman in my life has turned her back on me. I don't want to lose this one too."  
  
"But she's not yours," Mickey said softly. "I know your pain, Logan, I really do; but you have to remember that when the right woman comes along, she's love you like no other woman ever could, and you'll love her like you've never loved anyone else."  
  
He scoffed, his cynicism returning quickly. "Then you could love someone else more than you do, Scott."  
  
The tears that fell down her face silently, were joined with a whimper and more tears. "I suppose it's possible. Can you imagine the lengths I would go then?"  
  
Logan scoffed, her attempt at humor almost amusing. "Any man would be lucky to be loved by you. You're an amazing woman, with a heart of gold."  
  
She stared at him, never having considered analyzing this before. "Then why doesn't he love me?"  
  
"I don't know."  
  
~  
  
It was the middle of the night, and she just couldn't sleep. Rogue walked down to the kitchen, where she found Scott looking at an old photo album. "What's that?"  
  
He looked up. "Old photos. I was just reminiscing about my past."  
  
"Can I join ya?"  
  
He pulled out a chair. "Yeah. These first ones are the only ones I have left of my family. Mickey gave them to me after she found me at the orphanage. Everyone I've loved is gone."  
  
Rogue's look softened and she couldn't help but remember the night that Logan had agreed to take Mickey to Alkali Lake to look for Jean. She wanted so much to tell Scott not to worry that they'd be back, but she'd promised not to say anything for three days. 36 hours and she could tell them. "Not everyone. I'm sure Mickey will be back."  
  
He looked at her. "My sister," he said softly. "Some day she'll pop back into my life to say hi and leave again."  
  
"I'm sorry, Scott. I wish we could have done more to help Jean."  
  
"Me too."  
  
Rogue knew by his silence that he really wanted to be alone. Tender hearted Rogue fought against the tears that threatened. She wanted to help everyone but knew she couldn't. "Good night, Cyclops."  
  
"Goodnight, Rogue."  
  
~~~  
  
Mickey sat on the bed, which had been put back in the single bedroom in the cabin, with Logan. He lay on half propped up against her chest, where he'd fallen asleep. Her mutant abilities had broken down his walls and allowed him to let it go. Having been able to just let it all go, he cried out all of his own pain, and he let her be there to hold him.  
Her eyes were still moist as she thought about his pain. Everything he'd been through. Having held him as he cried, she absorbed and saw everything he'd been through. She could see the man he'd once been and the man he was now, there was such a difference in him. She could understand why he'd been so insistent on finding out about his past, but God he'd forgotten it.  
She looked down at the man in her arms. He had so much to offer, and so much to figure out. She reached up and brushed the hair off his forehead. "I wish . . ." 


	5. Chapter Five

Disclaimer: The X-Men don't belong to me nor do the songs or movies or things like that, which I've used. Thanks for the reviews. I really appreciate the support. Let me know what you think of this one, and what you'd like to see happen next. Thanks!  
~PART FIVE~  
  
Mickey sat on the bed, which had been put back in the single bedroom in the cabin, with Logan. He lay half propped up against her chest, where he'd fallen asleep. Her mutant abilities had broken down his walls and allowed him to let go. Having been able to just let it all go, he cried out all of his own pain, and he let her be there to hold him. Her eyes were still moist as she thought about his pain. Everything he'd been through. Having held him as he cried, she absorbed and saw everything he'd been through. She could see the man he'd once been and the man he was now, there was such a difference in him. She could understand why he'd been so insistent on finding out about his past, but thank God he'd forgotten it.   
She looked down at the man in her arms. He had so much to offer, and so much to figure out. She reached up and brushed the hair off his forehead. "I wish . . ."  
  
"What do you wish, Darlin'?"  
  
Mickey jumped; she hadn't realized that he was awake. She watched closely as he opened his hazel eyes. "How are you feeling?"  
  
"Peachy keen, Jelly Bean."  
  
She smiled as he'd stolen her favorite phrase. "I'm glad."  
  
He made no effort to move as he stretched a little. "What time is it?"  
  
"Late, early; depends on how you look at it." Logan smiled. It was the first smile she'd seen from him, and her smile grew brighter. "You were very still in your sleep; does that mean that you have some peace over your past?"  
  
His smile faded at the mentioning of his past. After last night it was no longer a major issue that he needed to work out. "I don't wanna talk about that anymore."  
  
She nodded. "All right."  
  
"Thanks."  
  
"For what?"  
  
He leaned back against her. "Being so comfortable."  
  
She arched a brow and his smile returned as he sat up. "It's dawn. Should we go looking again?"  
  
He turned to look at her. "You're determined to find her; aren't you?"  
  
"I thought that was already made clear."  
  
"Yeah." He stood. "I need some coffee first. Would you mind if I got a shower?"  
  
"No."  
  
~  
  
When Logan had finished with his shower, Mickey had coffee ready and was sitting on a stool waiting for him. She was completely ready to go. He sighed, and took a swig of the hot liquid. "I'm not sure where to start."  
  
"Where we left her, I assume."  
  
"Let's go."  
  
"Aren't you going to finish your coffee first?"  
  
He lifted the mug to his lips and drank down the remainder of the java. "Let's go."  
  
~~~  
  
Rogue looked at Scott, knowing that Bobby was busy talking to Colossus and couldn't stop her. "Scott, I know where they went."  
  
He looked at her, startled. "Who? Mickey and Logan?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Rogue, you promised," was Bobby's protest, as he came toward them. He'd given Logan his word and he didn't want to break it.   
  
"I can't wait anymore. What if something happened to them?" She turned back to Scott. "They went to Alkali Lake to look for Jean's body. Mickey thinks she can bring her back if her body's been preserved."  
  
Scott turned then and ran for the Blackbird. He couldn't think straight right now, he just knew he had to get to Canada and find them. As he finished dressing in his uniform, he found Storm, Xavier, Rogue, Bobby and Kurt waiting by the plane all but Xavier and Kurt in uniforms.   
  
"We're coming with you, Scott," Xavier said.  
  
"Then let's go. I'm not gonna wait around any longer."  
  
"We're ready," Storm said.  
  
~~~  
  
Jean sat beneath the wing of the plane, her tears having stopped. She could remember pieces of her past, but only glimpses. She recited every memory as if to store it in her mind forever this time. As she forced these memories to replay, a new memory would pop in every so often giving her a little more of her life to piece together. It was like a giant jigsaw puzzle, so hard to figure out.  
  
"New York! I belong in Westchester New York!"  
  
She stood then as she was filled with a new reason to keep going. As she was flooded with adrenaline because of her memories, the Phoenix woke from her slumber. Struggling for control, Jean excited the Phoenix further, as she grew stronger the more Jean fought for control. Due to lack of nutrients and rest, Jean wasn't strong enough to fight this creature off for long and quickly lost control.   
  
"This body! It's so young and viable! So much can I experience through this body!"  
  
She began to fly, emotions running through her as never before, but the one she focused on was the urge to breed. There was a strange movement of some kind in this body's abdomen and she could think of nothing but mating. Her mind filled with thoughts of one man and what kind of breeding abilities he had. The man was the one she'd lost when he went over the cliff. Logan, she'd called him. She had to find him! No matter who he was with or how long it took, she had to find him!  
  
To her own surprised she didn't have to look for long. Flying high into the air she could see the movement on the ground. There he was walking with that woman! They were searching for something. A desire like nothing she'd ever felt over came her, and she flew at the ground in an effort to get to them.   
  
~  
  
Logan paused to listen, and then sniff the air. He shook his head not sure he was smelling what he thought he was. He sniffed the air again. "She's close."  
  
Mickey smiled. "That's an amazing gift you've got there, Logan."  
  
He looked at her. "And she's not happy. She uh-"  
  
"What? Wants me dead? We've already established that much."  
  
"That wasn't what I was thinking." He gave her one of his classic say all looks.  
  
She stared at him. "Oh . . . Oh. That's where your gifts get weird."  
  
He cracked a half grin. "Leave it to you to make jokes at a time like this."  
  
The Phoenix made herself known then as she screamed. The two turned and came face to face with the fiery bird that engulfed Jean. "You don't die easily, do you?"  
  
"No," Mickey said in response to the question. Her mutation telling her more about Jean Grey than she'd expected. "You're killing that body, Phoenix!"  
  
She cocked her head. "She's young, she'll heal quickly."  
  
"No, she won't. Jean Grey isn't going to heal from the damage you're doing to her. You're draining her life force every time you take control of her. Let her be!"  
  
Jean's body walked toward her. "Let her be, let her go! Why do you care about this body? I can see why he wants it!" She indicated Logan.  
  
"Because I do."  
  
"Your answer is not acceptable."  
  
"Nor is your behavior, Guardian of man kind. The legends they tell about you say you're supposed to protect people not destroy them."  
  
The Phoenix waved her arm and Mickey flew backward. "You are no match for me. Why do you fight for this body?"  
  
Logan came at her then his claws drawn. "Because she ain't yours! She belongs with the X-Men!"  
  
The Phoenix laughed. As she started to move, Jean dropped to her knees. The Phoenix stared. "What have you done to me?"  
  
"Nothing," Mickey said as she come closer, holding her side, where she'd hit. "Let go and we can help her."  
  
"I don't believe you!"  
  
The rumble of a large Jet surrounded them. The wind blew fiercely around them as they watched the Blackbird land. The passengers came running off, and Scott went immediately to Jean's side. "Jean!"  
  
"It's not Jean," Logan said.  
  
The Phoenix stood, her eyes glowing red. Jean's body was just the shell she occupied. Scott stared. "Let her go!"  
  
Xavier turned to his most trusted weapon, his mental abilities, but they proved useless against this magnificent creature. He could only stare as his X-Men now fought against this creature to win back their beloved Jean Grey.   
  
In the midst of the battle, Jean fell to the ground and the Phoenix stood stunned. A fiery bird was all she was now. Scott went to Jean's side, trying to talk to her but it proved useless. She was gone. "No, no! Jean, don't."  
  
Mickey was at his side. She glanced at Logan. "Thank you," she mouthed and touched Jean. She closed her eyes and began to pull death itself from the woman.   
  
A loud thunderous pop caused everyone to tremble, as they watched in wonder as Jean took a breath and her eyes fluttered open. Scott hugged her and kissed her face. "I love you, Jean. I'm so sorry!"  
  
She returned his hug. "I love you too, Scott!"  
  
It was then that the Phoenix tried to enter Jean again, but was unable to. She screamed at Mickey. "You've done this!"  
  
"Let's get out of here," Logan said.  
  
Scott lifted Jean in the air and carried her onto the Blackbird.  
  
"What did you do," Bobby asked Mickey as she walked past him.  
  
"The Phoenix can no longer enter Jean Grey's body," she said softly and climbed the steps.  
  
As the Blackbird was flown by Storm and Rogue, Scott sat in the back of the plane holding Jean in his arms, telling her over and over again how much he loved her. Bobby and Kurt sat in the seats behind them. Mickey sat near Logan, but by herself.   
  
Xavier watched everyone. He wheeled closer to her. "You saved her life."  
  
She looked at him. "Phoenix saved her from the flood, and I took the death from her that the Phoenix caused."  
  
He watched her unsure why she was correcting him. He started to focus on her mind to read her thoughts, but Logan grabbed him attention when he touched her shoulder. "Scott wants you."  
  
Mickey stood and walked back to where Jean and Scott sat.   
  
Scott's smile was wide. "Mickey, this is Jean Grey, my fiancée. Jean, this is Mickey. She's the girl Alex and I grew up with and always thought of as a sister."  
  
Jean extended her hand. "It's nice to meet you, Michelle."   
  
Mickey glanced at her hand. "If you don't mind, I'd rather not shake hands right now, I'm a little shaky."  
  
"She saved your life," Scott said.  
  
Jean looked at him, then at Mickey. "I guess I owe you my life then."  
  
Mickey looked at her and shook her head. "You don't owe me anything, Miss Grey. Seeing Scott so happy makes it all worth it."  
  
Jean couldn't help the sudden jealousy that ran through her. ("Scott's my man. You keep your distance.")  
  
Mickey almost laughed at the telepathic message, but began coughing instead. She crouched low to the floor holding her stomach. Her face was growing red, as she coughed.  
  
"Cough it up, Kid," Logan encouraged her as he was at her side.   
  
She glanced up at him as it slowed. She stood when she was done coughing. "Life is a precious gift, Scott. I want the only person left in my life to be happy."  
  
Scott stood. "I don't know what to say." He wrapped his arms around her.  
  
"You don't have to say anything . . . Bro." She pulled away and returned to her seat.   
  
Scott returned to his seat beside Jean and kissed her temple. "I'm so glad you're here! If I had known you were still alive I would have been here looking for you from day one. I wish I'd known. I love you so much!"  
  
Jean returned his hug. "You're here now. We're together again, that's all that matters."  
  
Across the isle and up a seat, Logan slipped his arm around Mickey's shoulders, as they listened to Jean and Scott's exchange. "I know, Kid."  
  
She glanced at him. "I'm not a kid anymore, Old Man."  
  
He shrugged. "I don't feel like an Old Man, either."  
  
She closed her eyes and leaned back in the seat. "Stay with me, Logan. Don't let me die alone."  
  
"You ain't gonna die." He watched as the tears slipped down her face. "I won't leave ya."  
  
"Thank you." She opened her eyes and stared out the tiny window. She could feel death eating away at her. It wouldn't be long now.  
P.S. My thanks go out to one fan who reviews every chapter with questions and comments. I wish you'd send me your email address so I can answer your questions, with more in depth answers on how I see what's taking place. Thanks just the same for the inspirations you all provide when you review! Firebrand_Vixen 


	6. Chapter Six

Disclaimer: The X-Men don't belong to me nor do the songs or movies or things like that, which I've used. Thanks for the reviews. I really appreciate the support. Let me know what you think of this one, and what you'd like to see happen next. Thanks!  
~Part Six~  
  
Scott and Jean locked themselves upstairs in their room after Dr. Hank McCoy gave her a clean bill of health. They needed some alone time, and time to enjoy themselves. They hadn't seen each other in over two weeks. Jean's mind had been filled with thoughts of only Scott and their past together. She'd even wondered what their future would be like if she could get back to him.   
  
Scott had thought only of Jean these last two weeks. Even the return of an old friend couldn't distract him from the regret of losing her. Now he had her back; she was in his arms and that was where he wanted her to remain for the rest of their lives. Every night he wanted to fall asleep next to her and wake up to her smile every morning just as he'd been doing for the last several years.  
  
Now, as they lay in each other's arms, Scott's fingers ran over her arm in a feather touch. There was so much he wanted to say, he just hoped he could get these thoughts out right. "I almost lost you."  
  
She smiled. "But you didn't. We're here, and we're still together."  
  
He touched a finger to her lips. "Please, let me finish. . . . Jean, I asked you to marry me over a year ago, and I still want that more than anything. What I'm trying to say is, let's get married today. Right here, and right now. With the new laws we can get married here in the mansion, or at the court house today."  
  
Jean stared at him. "Scott-"  
  
"We can do a real wedding the whole shebang some other time, but I want it now."  
  
She smiled, and reached up and touched his face. "I wasn't going to say no. I just want those we love there. Everyone here and my parents and sister."  
  
Scott smiled, his heart floating on cloud nine. "Then we can do it now?"  
  
"Yes. Call the justice of the peace, and I'll get dressed."  
  
Scott's smile grew and he kissed her. "I love you. I love you. I love you."  
  
Jean smiled as he left the bed. This was the first impulsive thing they had done. Scott was always so controlled and had to have everything planned out before they did it. Maybe he was more exciting than she'd ever thought him to be. She watched as he dressed, and left the room. Standing, she slipped into her robe and walked into the bathroom. She needed to get a shower before she dressed well enough for a marriage ceremony.  
  
Scott walked through the house, telling everyone that he and Jean were getting married yet tonight and they needed to get up and dressed. He made sure to knock on every door so that not one person was left in the dark about their plans. He wanted everyone there to witness their marriage, especially Logan!  
  
Hank McCoy was just finishing up the tests he had to run on Mickey as Scott came down to the infirmary. He was grinning, as he came over and touched her shoulders, looking her square in the eye. "Congratulate me, Mickey, I'm getting married."  
  
She stared at him. "Congratulations."  
  
He looked over at the large Doctor who was running the infirmary these days. "Hurry up, Hank. I want you both there. Have you seen Logan?"  
  
"He was here for a while, but he said something about needing a drink and left."  
  
"Thanks, Mickey." Scott kissed her forehead. "You're a one of a kind sister."  
  
Hank looked at Mickey as Scott walked out of the room. "Impulsive man."  
  
"Not usually," she whispered. "What did you find?"  
  
Hank was pulled back to the results of the few tests he'd already finished. "A deterioration of your major internal organs. Michelle, you appear to be dying."  
  
She nodded solemnly. "Thanks, Dr. McCoy. I'm thankful for all you've done for me."  
  
He was stunned that she wasn't more upset about his diagnosis. "It was my pleasure. I enjoyed our conversations, they were enlightening."  
  
"Thank you." She stood and left the infirmary.   
  
Hank stared after her. She must have known that she was going to die, or it made no difference either way. His heart went out to her. What a lonely life she must live for death to not matter to her, much like what he'd heard about Wolverine. How sad for her.  
  
~  
  
Everyone that they wanted at their wedding was there, gathered in the mansion's chapel, where Scott and Jean would be getting married. Everyone was talking about how romantic this impulsive ceremony was. Rogue sat with Bobby and couldn't help squirming over the whole deal. Xavier spoke with Jean's parents as they waited for her and Scott to come in the room. Storm spoke with Jean's sister trying to make her feel welcome.  
  
Scott asked Mickey to be a 'best woman' as he didn't have anyone to ask to be a best man. He wasn't close with anyone here other than Xavier, and that didn't seem right. She agreed and now stood in front of everyone, in a borrowed dress. She would be reading from a book that Jean had gotten when they were first talking about getting married. "Welcome, everyone. Tonight, we gather in this beautiful home that Jean and Scott have made their own. We can see their personal touches almost everywhere, their favorite paintings, their hobbies; each room speaks of their love and how much they enjoy sharing their lives. Now they have asked us here to witness their vows of marriage, to begin a new chapter in their life together, a new level of trust and commitment. On behalf of Jean and Scott, I thank you for coming."  
  
"Jean, you are my best friend, and I cannot imagine life without you. We're a great team, each relying on the other for talents and insights that complement our own. Today, we consecrate our friendship with a vow to love each other forever. For as long as we live, Jean, I will be your partner and lover, trusted advisor, and most loyal supporter. With deep humility and great joy, I will be forever your devoted husband."  
  
Jean looked into Scott's red-lensed glasses. "Scott, you are my best friend, and I can't imagine my life without you in it. We're a great team, each relying on the other for talents and insights that complement our own. Today, we consecrate our friendship with a vow to love each other forever. For as long as we live, Scott, I will be your partner and lover, trusted advisor, and most loyal supporter. With deep humility and great joy, I will be forever your devoted wife."  
  
"By the power 'vested in me by the great state of New York, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss your wife," the clergy man said.  
  
Scott and Jean kissed very passionately.   
  
Xavier had set them up with a hotel room for a couple of days until they could arrange something better. They were congratulated by their friends and family as they left the mansion. It was truly a day to be celebrated.  
  
Logan stopped Scott on his way out. "I'm sorry."  
  
Scott stared at him. "For?"  
  
"Everything. Congratulations."  
  
"Thanks, Logan."  
  
"Yeah." He turned then leaving Scott to leave with his wife.   
  
Xavier approached Mickey as she stood outside watching the car pull away. Everyone was around them watching as the couple went away on their last minute honeymoon. "I hate to interrupt you, but could I have a word with you, Michelle?"  
  
She glanced down at him. "Of course."  
  
The two moved away from the mansion and the other occupants as they stared at the sky. The aurora borealis could be seen flashing through the dark sky. A strange sight for New York, but a beautiful one none-the-less. "What can I do for you, Professor?"  
  
"I've come to the realization that you knew when you went to look for Jean that you may die if you had to help her."  
  
"It is true that my internal organs are failing, but that's normal in cases like this. What does that have to do with anything?"  
  
"You were aware of the risks and you went anyway."  
  
She cocked her hip. "I've had this conversation twice all ready, I don't wish to have it again. I didn't do anything that one of you wouldn't have. What else do you wish to know?"  
  
He was quiet for a moment contemplating what to say. "Can you not force this out of your body? Cough it up like you've done with other things?"  
  
"I'm sorry, Professor."  
  
"Me too. We will make you as comfortable as possible. If there is anything we can do to make this easier on you, let us know."  
  
"There isn't. I'm awfully tired now, would you mind if I turned in for the night?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Thank you. My father would have been proud of how you stepped in."  
  
Xavier stared at her. "How did you know about that?"  
  
"People talk . . . in their sleep. Good night, Professor."  
  
"Yes. Good night, Michelle."  
  
~  
  
As Mickey walked toward the stairs she could see out into the back yard where someone was smoking. She stopped and walked toward the back door, wondering who in the mansion smoked. As she neared the glass door she could see that it was Logan. She stepped out the door to check on him. He had been scarce before and during the ceremony. She knew it couldn't have been any easier on him than it had been on her. "Hi."  
  
With one shoulder braced against the house and one foot propped against it as well, he looked up at her. "Hi, yourself."  
  
"Are you all right?"  
  
He shrugged. "You were right, is that what you wanted to hear?"  
  
She studied him in the dark. He stood there in jeans a tank top and boots. The same way he was always dressed. "No. I want you to tell me that you're okay."  
  
"Sorry."   
  
Several moments of silence passed between them. "Goodnight, Logan."  
  
"Mickey."  
  
She turned and walked away. "Wishing and hoping don't make it so," she reminded herself as she walked into the mansion.  
~~~  
  
Logan tossed and turned all night. He assumed that he was having trouble sleeping because Jean was in Scott's arms and out of his reach. She was gone forever, but for some reason that didn't seem to it at all. He knew that it was something else. There was something pulling at him that wouldn't let go and it wasn't Jean becoming Mrs. Scott Summers.   
  
Turning onto his back, Logan stared at the ceiling waiting for sleep. He couldn't get his mind to relax enough though. His thoughts turned to his conversations with Mickey. The last one at the cabin. They had fallen asleep together. It was the first time he'd fallen asleep in a woman's arms, and now he wished she was here to hold him again.  
  
Whoa! Where did that thought come from? Now he was wishing he was in someone else's arms? After agonizing over Jean Grey, he was wishing that he could hold someone else? That didn't make sense! Logan sat bolt straight up in the bed, and ran his hand through his hair. This wasn't right! It didn't make sense. His heart pounded in his chest as he thought about it. It was starting to make sense now. He was only wanting her because she had been there and she had been so kind to him. That was all it was.  
  
He released a breath and stretched out. "Just relax, Logan. Go to sleep!"  
  
~~~  
  
Jean lay in the hotel bed with her new husband, Scott Summers. They hadn't talked much since the ceremony, but Scott slept while holding her in his arms. She turned her head to look at him. She smiled. "Scott, you'll never know what came so close to happening with Logan and I. If not for this awful problem, I might have lost you forever."  
  
She ran her fingers over his face in a soft touch. "You mean the world to me. I never realized just how much I loved you until now; how much I need you." She placed a tender kiss on his lips and turned back around to go to sleep.  
  
Scott was thankful for his glasses. They hid the truth from his wife. She couldn't see his eyes or that he was awake and had heard her confession. He'd known that she had a soft spot for Logan, but he'd never realized that she'd come so close to having an affair. His anger at the wild man living in the mansion grew to new heights. Logan had tried to steel his fiancee from him.   
  
As he lay there he knew that Jean was just as much at fault, but it did nothing to ease his pain. The night they were married, she decided to confess what he'd already suspected. The only comforting thought was that she was his now, and that she'd made the choice to be with him. She had turned her back on her feelings for Logan and had chosen to stay with him. His arms tightened around her, and he closed his eyes. Someday Logan would answer for trying to take Jean from him. Given the chance he would make him answer for it!   
  
As he lay there he had to wonder why Logan had been so protective of Mickey. He hadn't been watching too closely, but he did remember that Logan had been at Mickey's side at every possible moment. From the time they picked them up at Alkali Lake, until he'd left them in the infirmary, he couldn't remember Logan leaving her alone. What change had been made? Why hadn't Logan been trying to get Jean's attention or trying to talk Jean out of marrying him?  
  
Scott stared at the wall. The thoughts that now filled his mind were more traumatic than what Jean had been up to when flirting with Logan. That was now past and he was determined to know why Logan was keeping his distance. It just wasn't like him.  
  
"Nor is it like you to not share your thoughts with me," Jean said.  
  
Scott looked at her. "I'm sorry. I was just wondering why Logan's kept his distance. Why he's spending so much time with Mickey."  
  
Jean turned in the bed and looked at him. "Maybe they're building a relationship."  
  
Scott scoffed. "No."  
  
Jean shook her head. "Let's not think about this now. It's our wedding night."  
  
Scott smiled down into her face. 


	7. Chapter Seven

Disclaimer: The X-Men don't belong to me nor do the songs or movies or things like that, which I've used. Thanks for the reviews. I really appreciate the support. Let me know what you think of this one, and what you'd like to see happen next. Thanks!  
~Part Seven~  
  
Jean and Scott returned to the mansion to get more clothes and their plane tickets and information from the professor. They had been gone two days. As they walked into the mansion they were surprised to see all the gloomy faces. Everyone seemed upset, even Jubilee and Kitty who were always happy.   
  
"What's wrong," Scott asked as Kitty started to walk past them.  
  
"It's Mickey," Jean said, cocking her head to the side, as though she were concentrating. "She's dying."  
  
As the two reached the infirmary, they found Logan at Mickey's bedside. The woman lay unconscious with machines monitoring her breathing and heartbeat. An IV was in her arm pumping her full of vitamins and keeping her from dehydrating. She lay perfectly still except for her slow breathing. Scott came further into the room, and Logan growled. "What happened?"  
  
"She saved Jean's life," Logan said gruffly. He had been at her side since this began, leaving only long enough to use the restroom, and grab a five minute shower. Rogue had brought him food, but he hadn't eaten it. Even when she'd begged him to just eat a few bites; he'd ignored her soft puppy dog eyes.  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
Logan looked up at him. "In saving your wife she took her own life. She knew what she was doing!"  
  
Scott stared at him horrified. "Is she . . . ?"  
  
"Not yet," he snapped.  
  
"She died for me," Jean asked incredulously.  
  
"Yep!"  
  
"Give her some of your blood," Scott said, as if that were the answer to everything.  
  
"We've already tried that, Scott," Professor Xavier said as he joined them in the infirmary.   
  
"Yesterday, when this started, Xavier gave us the ok to give her some of Logan's blood, but she hasn't gotten any better. I've done everything I can think of to help her, but it's done nothing to help." Hank touched his shoulder. "I'm sorry, Mr. Summers."  
  
Logan growled again. Mr. Summers? Where had Mr. Summers been when this lady was crying her heart out because she didn't think anyone would ever love her? Where had Scott been the first three hours of this, while Mickey was conscious and in excruciating pain? Where had he been the last fifteen hours while she lay here dying, because she wanted him to be happier than she'd ever been? His heart thundered and rage ran through his blood like hot lava. "Say your goodbyes and leave! Go on your happy little honeymoon and let her die in peace!"  
  
"She's my friend. Where do you get off telling me to leave her alone? Why don't you leave?"  
  
Logan jumped to his feet, and turned to look at him; the chair scuffing the floor along the way.  
  
Jean jumped; she'd never seen Logan look so mean. Hatred was in his eyes, like never before.  
  
"I'll be in the hall when you're through."  
  
Jean followed Logan into the hall way to leave Scott to say his goodbyes to the woman he'd grown up with. "She's really made an impression on you, hasn't she?"  
  
Logan glanced at her. "You could say that."  
  
"Does she feel the same way?"  
  
Logan glanced in the room, and had to suppress the growl that rose to his throat. Mickey didn't know how he felt; he hadn't even realized how much he cared about her until now. His hands balled into fists.   
  
"She's a lucky woman, Logan."  
  
He looked at her. "How?"  
  
"Because you love her. . . . I'm sorry about everything that passed between you and me."  
  
His brow furrowed. "Me too. We should have known better. Hell, I should have known better." He backed her against the wall. "Remember something, Jean. . . . That woman in there is dying for you. She gave her life to save yours. Remember that!"  
  
Jean was stunned as Logan walked past her to get into Mickey's room. He hadn't even touched her, not a single brush of his hand. She knew in her heart that was the best way, but it was so different from how things had started off. He wasn't interested in her any longer. As much as that stung her pride and the slightest of feelings she'd begun to have for him, she was glad it was over.   
  
Meanwhile in the infirmary, Scott sat next to the bed staring at the woman he'd grown to love like a sister. He reached up and touched her hand, her skin was chilled. She had been the only family he'd had between losing his parents and brother and coming to be a member of the X-Men. "You never had to do this; I wouldn't have asked you to. . . It's not fair that I have to live without one of you. You've meant a lot more to me than you'll ever know. I love you, Mick." He leaned forward and kissed her forehead.  
  
It was just about that time that Logan came back into the infirmary. He didn't say anything, but returned to his seat at her bedside the moment Scott moved. Scott then made his way toward one wall and watched as Logan's hand covered Mickey's. He cocked his head to the side; he'd never seen the man act that way before. He'd been that caring about Rogue, but she was a kid there was a difference in it.   
  
Logan leaned forward, watching her. "Come on, Mickey. Wake up, pull out of this one," he urged in a whispered tone.  
  
Jean touched Scott's arm and he slipped his arm around her. They stood together and would wait there until she was gone. Scott lifted a fist to grim lips watching in silence. She'd always been like a sister to him, and to see her like this was as if he were watching Alex lay there dying. "Jean, I need to know what she was thinking."  
  
Logan growled again, having over heard Scott's request. "She was thinking that she didn't have anyone who cared about her, and she wanted the only person that she cared about to be happy! She knew that you'd never be happy without Jean."  
  
"How do you know that," Jean asked.  
  
"It's easy to see," he said softly. He couldn't tell them that Mickey had been in love with Cyclops and was dying because she didn't want to live knowing she could never have him. He had to fight the urge to go off on Scott every time he thought about it.  
  
"Scott, let's give him a moment," Jean said.  
  
Scott looked at her then nodded and left the room.   
  
Logan reached up and brushed a stray lock of hair off her forehead. "I figured out what that dream was all about; why we shared it. . . . Come on, Kid, don't leave me now! Don't make me face this alone. Wake up!"  
  
In that instant the heart monitor flat lined. Everyone that was close enough to hear the machine came running to see what was happening. No one in the mansion was in the dark about Mickey's condition. Hank and Jean both went to work. They removed the oxygen tube and the heart monitors and began CPR. Hank began breathing and Jean began the compressions.   
  
Logan refused to move. He'd let go of her hand, only because he wanted to let them work. He watched with Scott at his side. His heart was on his sleeve as they worked. "Come on, Kid. Make it through this. Be okay!"  
  
Scott lifted a fist to grim lips again as Jean and Hank traded places.  
  
"You wanna call it," Jean asked.  
  
"You can't stop," Logan snapped.  
  
"It's been forty minutes, we can't keep going," Jean said softly.  
  
Hank glanced up at the clock on the wall. "Time of death, 1:47 pm." He lifted the sheet and covered her face with it.  
  
"No," Logan yelled. He jerked the sheet off of her, and grabbed her by the shoulders. "Wake up!"  
  
"Logan!"  
  
Scott and Hank tried to pull him away but he shook them both off. He shook her slightly. "Get up! Don't do this to me, I love you!"  
  
Everyone in the room stood stunned. No one had ever heard Logan confess the emotion of love before. Everyone had thought that he'd loved Jean by how hurt he'd been when they'd thought that she was dead, but were shocked by this declaration.  
  
"No!" He wrapped his arms around her body and held her close. Laying her forehead against his chin, he closed his eyes as they filled with tears. "No!"  
  
As Rogue reached out wanting to comfort Logan, Bobby stopped her. "Let him be."  
  
Rogue looked at him. "I wanna help."  
  
"You can't help him," Storm said softly. "None of us can."  
  
~  
  
She stood across the glorious garden from that great carpenter; you know the one that lived two thousand years ago. It was a very large and lavish garden with two large trees at its center. The trees were being guarded by HUGE white eagles. The colors were so brilliant and vibrant, like none she had ever seen. It was that carpenter that held her attention. White light surrounded Him, making it hard to see Him. She found that she couldn't move, only fall to her knees with her head bowed, as He came toward her. His glory was indescribable, as was the immensity of love pouring from Him. Tears filled her eyes as He came ever closer. A hand reached out and touched her shoulder. "Michelle."  
  
"My Lord," she cried.  
  
"Please stand."   
  
He spoke Hebrew, but she understood him as though He'd spoken English and she rose slowly to her feet to face her King. He was not a handsome man by any means, though he was fairly tall and stocky, just as a carpenter of old should be. He had flowing dark hair that looked white as the light shimmered off of it. Soul piercing blue eyes stared back at her. He also had beautiful dark olive skin that set off His welcoming smile. Tears flowed from her eyes. "I've longed to see you."  
  
He reached out and wiped the tears from her cheeks. "And yet you've feared that you never would. Your work is not yet done, my child."  
  
She stared. "But-"  
  
"Go back; my angels will guide your path. You have work left to complete and a life you've longed for waiting for you."  
  
"I don't want to leave."  
  
He smiled with unwavering patience. "I love you, Michelle, and I will open my arms and welcome you to my home, when it is your time to come home. Your time will come, but I have work for you to complete."  
  
~  
  
Logan's hand rested inside of Mickey's, as he sat at her bedside. Hank had pronounced her as dead several hours ago, but he hadn't let go. He had laid her back on the bed, carefully propping her head up on the pillow. The week and a half that he'd known her had changed his life. There was something very special about this woman, that he couldn't let go of. Her body had grown cold as all traces of life had long since slipped away. He could still feel the way she loved, even in death.  
  
A hand touched his shoulder. "Logan, let her go."  
  
He jerked away, his jaw hardening. "Not a chance, Jean!"  
  
"She's gone," Scott said his voice touched with emotion.  
  
He didn't know exactly how much time had passed; only that he wanted her to come back. He'd heard the others come and go to check on him, but hadn't responded to their questions. Logan leaned forward now, ignoring everything they were saying. "Come on, Mickey. Come back to me; don't make me do this alone!"   
  
Her chest rose ever so slightly and Logan's eyes grew huge. He blinked hoping that it wasn't hope causing him to see something that wasn't there. Seven hours of stillness from her, and now she was breathing! He leaned closer yet again. "Come on." His eyes searched her face, urging her to wake. Praying to God that this wasn't wishful thinking.  
  
"I'm not through with you yet, Bub," she said so softly only Logan could hear.   
  
Logan cracked a half grin. "Hey."  
  
Her eyes opened and she returned his smile. "Hey."  
  
"You're all right," Scott exclaimed.  
  
She moistened dry lips with the tip of her tongue. "Yeah."  
  
"Get her some water," Logan ordered.  
  
Mickey lifted her left hand and wiped a fallen tear from his face. She stared into his hazel eyes wanting to tell him everything that she'd seen. That great carpenters words suddenly became clear as she watched him. She closed her eyes, now knowing what He had meant.  
  
"Here you go," he said taking the glass of water from Jean. He lifted it to her lips.  
  
"We need to examine you," Hank said. "You've been dead for seven hours."  
  
Mickey's eyes flashed open, and she met his gaze. "Don't you believe in miracles?"  
  
"I believe in what I can see."  
  
"Then take a good look, Herr Hank," Kurt said. "You're looking at a real miracle."  
  
Mickey smiled at the blue-faced teleporting mutant she'd only spoken to once, and it was just an hour before she'd lost consciousness.  
  
Hank and Jean ushered everyone out of the room to complete their tests. Logan left only because Kurt assured him that she was going to be all right. As he walked out of the room he could faintly hear, "I'm not going anywhere, Logan." He turned back to see Mickey. She was lying on the bed as Jean took her vitals. 


	8. Chapter Eight

Disclaimer: The X-Men don't belong to me nor do the songs or movies or things like that, which I've used. Thanks for the reviews. I really appreciate the support. Thanks!   
  
And for those of you who think I'm too stupid to write this, don't bother reading further. If you don't like it, don't read it!! There's a reason it's called FAN FICTION!!!   
  
Thanks again, those of you who enjoy this story. I've had a ball writing it! (About Jean and Scott's wedding, I know the ceremony seemed a little strange, but I got the ceremony out of a wedding vows book my sister bought for something she was doing.)  
  
~Part Eight~  
  
By the time Jean and Hank had finished taking her vitals and running tests on her, Mickey was exhausted. She begged them to leave her be so she could get some sleep. They agreed and left her alone. The moment her head hit the pillow she was out like a light.   
  
A squeaking chair caused her to stir. Mickey groaned and opened one eye, then both as she saw Logan sitting in a chair near her. She studied him in the dark for several minutes. She didn't understand why she was thinking so very clearly while she'd only gotten a few hours rest. She'd come to a realization she hadn't been ready to face before now.  
  
Logan watched Mickey in the very dim light of the infirmary. With his keen eyesight he could make out every line of her face. Even the tear that slid down her cheek. His heart constricted as he saw her reach up and brush it away as though it had no purpose. "What's on your mind, Darlin'?"  
  
She jumped, and looked at him, not realizing that he was awake. She released a breath, as he came closer. Reaching up she turned the little lamp on, and sat up. Logan automatically reached to prop up her pillows behind her. She smiled at the sincere gesture. "I know this is going to sound crazy to you, but please hear me out."  
  
"All right."  
  
Mickey told Logan about what she'd seen when she died. He stared at her. "I told you it would sound crazy."  
  
His hand covered hers. "After the last twelve hours I'll believe anything."  
  
She looked at his hand, and then at him. Would he really believe anything? How could she tell him? She met his gaze searching for any sign of the same emotion she was about to spill. "I . . . I need to get out of here."  
  
Mickey dressed quickly in jeans and a tee shirt, and Logan took her out to the garden. She was a little shaky on her feet, but he gave her his arm to steady her. They walked in silence for a few moments, until she stopped and turned to look at him. "Back at the cabin, the morning when-"  
  
"What about it," he asked studying her.  
  
"You asked me what I wished."  
  
He scoffed slightly wondering why she was bringing that up now. "Yeah. You changed the subject on me."  
  
She nodded. "I didn't quite understand what I was wishing for. I . . ."  
  
His eyes searched hers with caution while his heart pounded in his chest. He took a step closing the distance between them. Sliding one arm around her waist he lowered his lips to hers. Logan lost himself in that kiss. Kissing this woman with everything that he had, he made himself vulnerable to her as he never had anyone else before.  
  
Mickey pulled away stunned breathless. After a moment she opened her eyes and looked at him. He was staring at her, waiting for her response. A smile curved the corners of her lips as she touched his. "I feel guilty."  
  
"For," he asked against her fingers and around the lump in his throat.  
  
"Not loving Scott anymore."  
  
He could hear his own heart thundering in his chest, and feared she'd realize how vulnerable he was to her. "What changed?"  
  
She ran her fingers over his cheekbone, then met his hazel gaze. "When I wasn't looking someone else swept me off my feet."  
  
He swallowed hard. "Who might that have been?"  
  
She released a nervous breath. "A rather fuzzy old man that goes by the name Logan . . . or Wolverine."  
  
He ran his fingers over her smooth skin, before kissing her again.  
  
Mickey's arms rose to circle his neck, as she returned his passionate and loving kiss. She was breathless when she finally pulled away from him. Tears filled her eyes, and she laid her head against his shoulder.  
  
Logan held her close, and breathed into her hair. "I love you."  
  
She caught and held her breath. Though she'd known it, it sent joy through her to hear him say so. "I love you too, Logan."  
  
Logan pulled away from her, though he wanted to hold her. He stared into her brown eyes. "I don't have much to offer you, not even a real name; just the clothes on my back, which I'll willingly give, if you'd have me, Mickey. What I'm trying to say is that . . . I never knew this would be so nerve wracking . . . I'd love to be your husband."  
  
She smiled, not as surprised as she could have been. "I would like nothing more than to be your wife."  
  
He grinned and kissed her again.  
  
~~~  
  
Scott's first stop the following morning was the infirmary to check on Mickey. To his surprise she wasn't there. He stared at the empty bed before starting to search for her. He could hardly believe that she'd run off again, that just wasn't like her at all. As he reached the stairs, Jean was on her way down and stopped him. "What's wrong, Scott?"  
  
He looked at her. "I can't find Mickey."  
  
Jean stared at him, then began to concentrate. "She's in the kitchen . . . With Logan."  
  
The two looked at one another and went to the kitchen to see what was going on. Neither Jean nor Hank had given her a clean bill of health . . . yet. As they entered the room, they found Mickey sitting at the table opposite Logan, each with a cup of coffee and a cinnamon roll. They were staring at one another, as if they were in a trance or something.   
  
"Good morning," Scott said.  
  
" 'Morning, Cyclops," Logan said, and lifted the mug to his lips.  
  
"There's fresh cinnamon rolls in the oven and hot coffee in the pot," Mickey said.  
  
"You're not supposed to be out of bed yet," Jean said.  
  
She looked up at Jean. "I didn't cook. I just sat here and supervised. I couldn't stay in that bed any longer."  
  
Jean nodded. There was something different about the two people sitting in front of her. "What's going on here?"  
  
"What do you mean," Logan asked innocently.  
  
Mickey lifted her coffee cup to her lips. It was then that Scott noticed a ring of some kind circling her left ring finger. He moved closer studying the ring. "What's wrong, Scott? You look like you've seen a ghost."  
  
Scott looked at her. "That ring."  
  
Mickey looked at the ring, it was nothing more than a simple braided string that she'd tied around her finger. She looked up at him. "What about it? It's string."  
  
"On your ring finger," Jean asked incredulously. "Why would you put something on that finger when you're not engaged or married."  
  
Mickey could feel Logan's stare and looked up at him, just as he was saying, "Who says she ain't?"  
  
Scott lost the feeling in his hand and dropped his coffee cup on the floor, causing it to shatter on impact. His heart skipped several beats as he stared at them. "Come again?"  
  
Logan turned and looked at him. His gaze never wavering. "Who says she isn't?"  
  
"Scott," Jean said softly, touching his arm.   
  
He looked at her, then back at Mickey and Logan. "You two were married?"  
  
"The happy couple is waiting for Hank and Jean to finish their exams and pronounce the bride to be as healthy," Xavier said from the doorway. He wheeled into the kitchen and looked right at Mickey. "I've booked you an appointment with a very prestigious bridal shop this afternoon for a fitting and that kind of thing."  
  
"Thank you, Professor."  
  
"Logan, you have an appointment with the tailor at 1:30. Please control yourself. We needn't draw anymore attention to the school than necessary." Logan shrugged, and Xavier continued. "I've contacted a caterer as well as a woman known as The Cake Lady. She specializes in wedding cakes. She has agreed to make the cake of your choice. I'm sure the children can do the decorating. Oh, yes, and Kurt has agreed to perform the ceremony."  
  
"Is he legal," Logan demanded.  
  
Xavier smiled. "Yes. Kurt is an ordained minister, and has been for five years now. He has a place of refuge in Austria where he learned everything he needed to know. I think that just about covers everything."  
  
"Sounds right to me," Logan said.  
  
Mickey nodded. "Thank you, Professor Xavier. I can't tell you how much this means to me."  
  
Xavier smiled. "No need, child. You two had best get ready for your appointments. I'll make the announcements to everyone."  
  
"All right."  
  
Scott stopped Mickey in the hall just outside of the kitchen. "You're seriously going to marry him?"  
  
She studied him. "Yes. Why wouldn't I?"  
  
"He's wild, and insane!"  
  
Her posture stiffened as she looked at him. "And I'm in love with him, doesn't that count for anything?"  
  
"You've known him all of a week, you can't be in love with him."  
  
"Twelve days, and you're wrong. I am in love with him." She studied him, with all the affection of a sister to her brother. "I have never felt this way in my entire life. My heart is so full of joy it feels like it could burst at the seams. If there is a greater feeling, I'm almost afraid to experience it."  
  
Scott stared at her. "I just don't want to see you get hurt."  
  
She smiled. "You don't have to worry about that."   
  
~~~  
  
Rogue stood with Logan at the elevator. He planned on taking Mickey to the bridal shop. "You're really going to marry her?"  
  
Logan nodded. "Yeah. Why, don't you like her?"  
  
"Ah don't really know her. She seems really nice and all, it's just not like you."  
  
"You don't know what is or isn't like me, Kid. Nobody does!" When her shoulders dropped he met her gaze. "Listen, I've been alone a very long time, and I know that I can trust this woman. . . . I love her."  
  
Rogue nodded. "Ah never thought that I'd hear you say anything about love. She has to be something. You never claimed to love Jean."  
  
For some odd reason that felt like a slap in the face, but Logan couldn't get mad at her for it. "That's because I didn't love her. I wanted her."  
  
Rogue smiled slightly. "Don't you 'want' Mickey?"  
  
Logan arched a brow at her as if he were telling her that it wasn't her place to ask. "That goes without say. I've never known anyone like her in all of my life, and someone as special and rare as she is, even through amnesia I would remember!"  
  
"Congratulations, Logan. I'm sure she'll make you very happy."  
  
Logan watched her surprised by how low her voice had dropped when she'd said so. "Why don't I believe you?"  
  
Rogue looked up meeting his gaze. "I meant what I said. It's just something to get used to, considering the past and all."  
  
Logan was stunned for a moment. He hadn't forgotten, though he'd ignored, that he'd almost kissed her on the train just before she was kidnapped by Magneto. He nodded slowly, trying not to hurt her anymore than he already had. "You're a special kid, Rogue. And Bobby's very lucky."  
  
Rogue smiled. "Thanks."  
  
The elevator door opened and Mickey stood there with Hank, and Kurt. "It's just unreal, Michelle. I've never seen anything like this."  
  
Mickey smiled. "I never said that it wasn't a miracle."  
  
"What isn't," Logan asked as they stepped from the elevator.   
  
Hank looked at him. "That she's alive. There is nothing physically wrong with her, except her diabetes, but that was there when she died."  
  
Kurt smiled. "I have told you, this is a miracle. A real God made miracle."  
  
"I'm starting to believe it," Hank said softly.  
  
"It's time to go," Logan said.  
  
"Mickey, would you mind if I tag along? I've always wanted to help with planning a wedding."  
  
Mickey looked at Rogue and smiled. "Not at all. In fact I welcome the company."  
  
"Let me tell, Bobby and I'll meet you outside."  
  
"Hurry it up," Logan said and turned for the door with his arm around Mickey's shoulders. "You don't have to be overly nice. Nobody expects you to jump and be everyone's friend."  
  
Mickey smiled and looked up at him. "I meant what I said, Logan. I don't have very many friends. It'll be nice to have a friend that I don't have to hide from." 


End file.
